"it's very unclear what you're telling me now"

yes I know it's unclear. I know it doesn't make sense. At all. I'm sorry but I'm really horribly confused about my music studies now. I don't know what's going on in my brain or what creature has resided in the grey cells of my cerebrum that keeps telling me I will never make it as what I aspire to be if I plunge into a music career.

I don't know. A professional music career seems so far-fetched. The question before this was about choices between the diverged path. Fiery passions or cold reasons? That was actually not a difficult question to answer. But now, I lose even the ability to differentiate between what I like and what I do not. Do I even like music at all? Does six, eight hours of practicing mean anything? I've been through this hating-music phase, I have. But what if I suspend my music studies now, and all my technique rots away, and what happens if I suddenly feel the fire burning in me again? Will it be too late?

I don't know. What do I want?

I want to be back in secondary school. That's what I want, right now.