Which Book?

Okay, so I grossly over-estimated myself. Two pages into "A Tale of Two Cities" and I'm already crushed by it's weighty Victorian overtones. The opening paragraph wasn't too bad: "It was the best of times, it was the worse of times, etc etc". But! After that dramatically declamatory passage, the rest is just (to me) frustratingly incomprehensible. Sigh...

So I conclude to let it stay in my bookshelf for another year while I acquire the necessary literary knowledge to consciously appreciate the towering value of that masterpiece =)

As time goes by, I noticed that the way I approach reading has changed, somewhat subtly. Reading, to many, is a past-time, to be enjoyed at leisure. Many people read for sheer emotional and intellectual gratification, in the sense that they chose books according to their personal taste. Now, that's nothing wrong at all with that, after all, it's an enjoyment, not a chore.

The Choice of Books

But what I really want to talk about is not about the "proper" psychological frame of mind one should be in when reading. What that concerns me is our attitude when it comes to choosing books. Sadly, most people do not place much emphasis on the actual literary value and depth of a book. Instead, many prefer to read books that are well-publicised.

How many people carefully evaluate a book's inner content: the message it carries, the theme it centralises on, the social impact it aims to achieve, and also the writer's penmanship, before spending hard-earned money on it? For example, there has been all this hype about the "Twilight Saga", but technically, it merely falls under the category of "teenage romance". Not that it is an illegitimate genre, but it offers more emotional pleasure than intellectual gain. What can we learn from books like this? How to be a vampire?

Intellect vs Emotions

Nevertheless, we are not robots. We are humans. Highly Emotional beings. Therefore we must strike a reasonably well balance between cold intellect and fiery emotions. The next time you buy a book, ask yourself, is it worth my RM xxx? What can I learn from it? A well-written book will (in most cases), be both satisfying, emotionally and intellectually as well. An oft-repeated notion is that an intellectual work will be generally boring and inaccessible to the reader. This is not true. To those who haven't tried out Indian writers, give them a try! They are the most powerfully descriptive and painfully intellectual group of writers I've ever seen.

So, be wise in choosing your next book!

As I have mentioned before, the Malaysian education system, I suspect, actively deters those unfortunate enough to go through it (which means a vast majority of Malaysians) to become highly-opinionated individuals. In order to counter this worryingly unhealthy phenomena, all of us have to strive to become more and more open-minded and above all, vociferously critical. If some find this a radical suggestion, let it be.

Today I want to talk about eople who put songs on their blogs. Selfish, self-centred people. It might sound harsh and blunt but that's the way things get productive. People who put songs or any form or genre of music on their blogs, might be doing so with a good intention, actually. There are also people who do so merely because they enjoy listening to that particular song so much they want other (unfortunate) people to listen to it and fall in love with it.

The former kind of bloggers are those that we can probably forgive. And then it's a matter of taste. For example, some people put up motivational songs/religious songs/soothing music. While all of those might have a positive effect on the mind when appropriately played (right time, right place), they can also sound annoying to differing individuals. Again, it is a matter of taste.

What that really annoys us is the latter kind of bloggers who put a song on their blog just because 1) they think it's cool to put songs on their blog 2) they enjoy listening to those particular songs so much they wanna share the joy and other reasons that only they could think up of.
Imagine listening to Mahler Sixth, so heart-achingly beautiful and sonorous yet broodingly tragic. AND an electric guitar (playing fff) slams into the plethora of ghostly harmonies. It is truly, rudeness in it's most vulgar, disruptive and annoying form. That was exactly what happened to me just now. But it is not the first time. It will not be the last either. There are many many bloggers in cyberspace out there who don't realise the inconsiderateness of their actions. It is really, extremely rude to disturb another person's music. So please, refrain from posting music up your blog.

"it's very unclear what you're telling me now"

yes I know it's unclear. I know it doesn't make sense. At all. I'm sorry but I'm really horribly confused about my music studies now. I don't know what's going on in my brain or what creature has resided in the grey cells of my cerebrum that keeps telling me I will never make it as what I aspire to be if I plunge into a music career.

I don't know. A professional music career seems so far-fetched. The question before this was about choices between the diverged path. Fiery passions or cold reasons? That was actually not a difficult question to answer. But now, I lose even the ability to differentiate between what I like and what I do not. Do I even like music at all? Does six, eight hours of practicing mean anything? I've been through this hating-music phase, I have. But what if I suspend my music studies now, and all my technique rots away, and what happens if I suddenly feel the fire burning in me again? Will it be too late?

I don't know. What do I want?

I want to be back in secondary school. That's what I want, right now.

to take a break from random commentary on current issues which I realise I've been doing lately, I have only one thing to say about the church-bombing incident that took place today in our country: It's FCUKING brainless. (typo intended)

I could go on but, nah, we'll just sit on the fence (for the time being) and scrutinise how our dear government will respond and react to this historically-important (albeit not in a positive light) event. I wonder if this will be recorded in our future history textbooks? To quote a friend's witty comment: "Oh Allahku, berkatilah negaraku Malaysia..." Thumbs up!

Anyway, MPYO internal audition scores have arrived today at my mailbox. Unnervingly, the Overture Miniature from Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker has found its way into one of the excerpts! And a passage from Mozart's Symphony No.40 in G minor...! Oh gosh..! Curiously, the other two scores are unmarked, one looks suspiciously like an excerpt from a Mahler symphony. The other? I have NO idea. Great, I better revive my practice routine! What? Class next Saturday? D.I.E. My music studies are really falling apart.

And that's not the only thing. There are so many decisions that have yet to be made.

1) Which college?
2) Which intake?
3) Subjects combination? No Literature? Business studies or Psychology?
4) Part-time job?

So 11 years of formal schooling has led me to this path diverged in two ways? Should I take the road less travelled by? Should I act accordingly to societal norms?
I just realised how much I love Literature and at the same time how terribly I detest it. It's another love-hate relationship. Really, in each relationship the presence of both is inevitable. And the way we embrace the differences is an embodiment of our personality.

Good luck to everyone who's starting college! And yes, Louise, Economics was a cool decision.

61 hours, 30 minutes:
not a second was unoccupied without
memories of your adorable smile
your intense heat, that enveloped me
burns vividly still in my mind

life without you is not unlike
a traveller in the Sahara deprived
of water, a diver
without, an oxygen tank
i sink helplessly
into painful, anguished spasms of longing

72 hours, 20 minutes:
until the promised time,
when i can bathe
in the blissful comfort of your voice
save me
temporarily
from the excruciating pain i'm experiencing
please

(i can't wait any longer)
your absence from my life
is like a laptop sans battery
what am i without you?

72 hours and 5 minutes:
baby i miss you

So it's the second day into the year 2010. I'm sure resolutions have been prepared (by most people, anyway). Resolutions, in my opinion, is an extremely personal piece of information. Frankly, for me, it's privacy settings is no less than a personal diary.

When we prepare a resolution, we reflect upon what we did in the past year (and also what we did not do). Reflection is after all, the first step to preparing a sound, logical resolution. Because only we ourselves know full well personally in good conscience what was done and what wasn't (but was supposed to be done). All of these are in our conscience, we need not announce them to the whole world.

There are many many ways to make a resolution work. Some favour a cold, cut-and-dried system using timetables, action plans, reviews, follow-ups et cetera. However, others might prefer a more holistic, personal and human approach. It's all in the mind, they say. However effective action plans might be, those are impersonal. Their effectiveness arises from the fact that they're imposing rigid guidelines on how one should carry out a task to achieve a target. It does not take into account the moral-righteousness of the target. It does not take into account the mindset of the person carrying out the task. It's inhuman.

Contrastingly, a holistic approach in making resolutions succeed might be considerably less systematic. However, what's important in our endeavours is that we're totally, passionately committed to it and we set our mind to achieving that goal. When the mindset is properly orientated, that's really more than enough. The power of the mind is remarkably immesurable. It actually behaves like gravity. It's there. It's just up to us to utilise it properly.

So, which way?

I guess "reviving blogging" did make its way onto my resolution list. So instead of waiting for 2009 to fade away to the obscurities of our tiny grey cells, why don't we start now?

Unnervingly, I realize that I've became more self-conscious when it comes to portraying my own self on the net (here) where literally the whole world can see what you write. Maybe it's because I believe that how a person writes betrays his or her's inner personality, however subtly.

Yes, we all have an "inner personality". Don't we? I have a shrewd suspicion there's a politically-correct psychological term for it but as look as the point cuts through, terms don't really matter, right? The fact is (or so, in my opinion), we live in a dysfunctional society. Really, if we're breathing in a sanely, healthy world, why do we ultimately need judicial laws? In fact, which came first? Did judicial laws corrupt society or did a corrupt society brought along the justice system? Human nature is to go against whatever that is unpleasing. So did unpleasing laws brought along a worse society? Ironically, is the justice system itself is to blame? Is utopia even tangible?

On another loosely related, but even more significant subject, is the death penalty even morally correct? I reserve my suspicions towards the number of people who actually read in detail about the recent case involving Akmal Shaikh, who was convicted of drug-smuggling and sentenced to death by the Supreme Court in China. Being the first European to be sentenced to death by the communist-ruled country in nearly 60 years, it has reasonably sparked much debate and discussion. The report by MSNBC can be read here, which I feel takes a reasonably neutral stand on the issue.
Not surprisingly, the following two reports, one by United Kingdom's The Guardian and the other by China's XinHuaNet on the identical issue is living, classic example of how humans defend their own stand and how a single issue can be viewed from two polar opposites.
In my opinion, it's tragic. It just is. This is not the first case of an innocent man who lost his life because of a case of seriously misplaced trust. There were many others. There will be more.
In the light of a new year, the human race claims to be more and more sophisticated (there's even already a Wikipedia page on the subject of Akmal Shaikh). But we're allowing such gruesome miscarriage of justice to happen. Civilised people my foot.

Someone from another continent recently said of young people in this country who are not allowed to voice out our opinions. Looking back, it's spot on. The state education system rarely, if ever, encourages the student to voice out and defend their own opinions. We are never asked to question the textbook, no. Thus we see the system churning out year after year of graduates, their minds numb from the sheer amount of data to be memorised, but lack the vital capacity to be opinionated. Yes, even the word "opinionated" looks alien, no?

2010, new hopes?